Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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