oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
