Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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