Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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