i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
