I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
