those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
