i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
