I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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