My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Terrible idea I love it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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