i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
