Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
