would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
did i just pee glitter
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