pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My first STD was from a foam party
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
