So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
