dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my being single is dangerous.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
