Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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