Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
