I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
