woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
