Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
