i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
