I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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