You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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