Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
