I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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