I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
