I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
