what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
