I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
