just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
