So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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