so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
