Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
