if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So much rum. So many feels.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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