i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
