if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I didn't notice because vodka
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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