it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
