I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
