She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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