hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
