just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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