How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
