brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
