I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
