Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
