Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
