He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
