just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
