Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
