you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
