I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
