is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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