@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
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