I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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