I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
