Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
