She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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