i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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