dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
