dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
