Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
