You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
