The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
