Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So vagazzling was a success
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
