theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
