and you said cock pushups were impossible
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The Olympian is in my bed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize