That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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