do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
