Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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