Dual....:-)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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