the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
