hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
