well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
